Sunday, April 20, 2014
Marriage, Baby's, or Death
When little girls make their dolls get married or have their stuffed animals have a family they do it because thats what they think is supposed to happen. The stereotype of little girls wanting marriage and babies and stepford-wife stardom never quite clicked for me. As a child i more pictured myself alone, i was never on my wedding day, never with kids. I was perfectly happy as ever child imagines their future adult life but i never wanted what the other girls wanted. for christ sakes i went through my emo phase in the second grade. I never ever EVER wanted to live here either even when i was a kid i wanted to be anywhere but here. When I was seven I knew I hated living in this shit whole and that as soon as graduation comes it comes with freedom. Its not an exaggeration when I think I would rather be homeless in Manhattan then wealthy in the suburbs of a small town.My best friend wanted her kid when she grows up to go to the same school she did and i did then and do now think that is pathetic. Now when i think about my up and coming adulthood I just think that i'll end up ruining any success I gain. Like once everything falls into place in my beautiful apartment with my designer labeled closet and full to the brim bank account along with my newly cellulite free thighs I'll just destroy myself. I haven't decided if it'll be alcohol or drugs and I honestly don't want either but I don't know if it can be helped. Am I in charge of my future or is fate just giving a sneak peek?